What's One Life
by BlackDragon41
Summary: If I am a great leader then why am I dying here of all places huh Eren? Why would you even say something so stupid? Marco was the first to- and now you? I was not meant to lead, I am nothing but a coward. What's one life like mine compared to one of importance like yours? You are the real hero out to free humanity, I am nothing but a shield, Titan fodder if anything less. -Jean K.
1. In His Hands

**What's One Life?**

**Part 1: In His Hands**

**A/N: This is a long Attack on Titan Oneshot devised into a few parts because of how many pages it's turning out. Mostly Jean-centric but follows from other character perspectives as well. It's basically a take on Jean Kirschstein's thoughts as he faces his imminent demise, from his current hopeless situation as well as the events beforehand and after. I've decided to write this after hitting a major writer's block on both of my MC stories, I will getting back to one soon but first I need a break because those stories are driving me crazy and I can't seem to get the creative juices following.**

**Slight AU considering that I don't know just where to have this story start from but it is after the gang has joined the Survey Corps and where the traitors are no longer within the group. Please note that this story will have some spoilers. Also note that I do not own Snk(AoT), I only own my story and fan art.**

**I hope any fan of SnK(AoT) and fan of Jean will appreciate this, Jean is my favorite character of the fandom... can't say why. I was first having trouble picking a favorite between him, Eren, and Armin when I got into the manga/anime. Eren came in second while Kirschstein somehow captured my admiration. I know his character at the beginning of the series is basically a jerk, and a coward, and sort of self-centered and arrogant guy; but as I read through the manga he has changed quiet a bit to my surprise, ever since Marco's death and a handful of unpleasant experiences in the Scouting Regiment. So, I just came to favor him most and had to write about him because he is showing the potential of leadership, now only if he would just see how. Enough rambling... please read and enjoy.**

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_"If I am a good leader then why am I dying here of all places? Why would you even say something that stupid? Marco was the first to- and now you? I am no leader, I was never cut out to lead, I am just a coward. What's one life like mine compared to one of great importance like yours Eren? I am nothing but a shield, Titan fodder if anything less."_

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"How- How in the hell… did I end up like this?" A pained voice echoed softly around. Golden brown orbs lightly fluttered open. His eyes roamed the darkness around him but there was nothing to see, only fleshy walls of deep red on every side of him and the warm and red slippery fluid he was mostly lying in. "Ehhh." Jean grunted with repulsion as he carefully lifted his hand out of the warm slimy substance. Like saliva; a trail of the fluid pulled up with his arm and slowly flowed down into the rest of the pool. "Disgusting." He bitterly spat from the coating of slime; a layer of the stuff stuck to his skin, his clothing, his face, and it was in his hair too and he could feel the fluid slowly slide off of his form as he remained somewhat upright. He shook his hand carefully to get the nasty substance off but it stuck to him to his annoyance, so he waved it harder; he needed to get a clean enough hand to wipe away the filth on his face as soon as he could. His eyes snapped wide open when he tried to sling the stuff off of him with more force, pain shot from the tender gaping wound on the right side of his torso and flooded all the way across his bleeding abdomen. He wailed loudly as he stretched the wounds, the Titan's fluids only helped in adding to the agony as the stinging substance seeped deeper into the lesions.

Jean held still for a brief moment and took in a deep breath of the hot vile air, blood flooded his nostrils and the stomach acid had it's own stench to add to the repugnant odor. It was nasty. The sad part about it was that the blood was his own; he could barely see it but his wounds were staining the clear bodily fluid that he floated in, the red seeped from his abdomen and slowly spread around him. "Damn it." He cursed as he moved his hand more carefully back into the slick phlegm to see the extent of his injury, he peeled back the edges of the tethered cloak and the fabric of his uniform to see the damage he had taken. What he saw in the faintly red pool made him want to puke more than the fact of being covered in saliva and lying in a large stomach. It was hard to tell but a large chunk of his flesh was missing on the side of his ribcage and so was patches of his skin that used to be on his stomach. He had huge bleeding indents across his midsection, there was no telling how deep they went.

The man's expression twisted to one of absolute horror, he was lucky that the abnormal Titan didn't bite him in half. He had his sturdy equipment to thank for that, but knowing he was mostly intact didn't help his current situation. If Titan Eren hadn't lost interest in fighting Levi and attack the vicious Titan chewing on him then he probably would have been in pieces and dead by now. But then again… it was Eren's fault that everyone's life was jeopardized in the first place, his fault that Armin was put in grave danger. Jean himself had acted quick enough to save his friend from being eaten, but at what cost? Himself being eaten.

His three-dimensional-maneuver gear had malfunctioned at a critical moment while going before the abnormal bastard. Just. His. Luck. It's happened a couple times before, he was always stuck with crappy equipment it seemed. The mindless form had abruptly jumped out of the small horde of Titans and attempted to take the blonde in a quick pounce with it's freakish and disturbing innocent smile hiding it's voracious desire. Armin was out of gas; he was a sitting duck without his horse that the rampaging Titan Eren killed, and without anybody else close by he'd be dead in a matter of seconds. Everybody was occupied with other Titans far out away for him, Armin's only hope was Jean at the time since the captain was taking out the rest of the horde alone while fighting Titan Eren as well. Levi skillfully missed the many limbs that swung forcefully at him, he was too preoccupied to worry about Armin at the time seeing as he had more than a handful of deadly problems than his blades could slice at once.

Jean really contemplated on aiding the captain but hesitated by the number of Titans, the faultiness of his equipment, his lack of abilities to effectively execute kills, and Eren; who was swinging wildly at everything in his way and trying to kill the elusive small dark-haired one. For some reason the muscular Titan was so focused on killing the one he couldn't catch, he seemed determined to but was failing thankfully. It was like it was playing a game of cat and mouse. At least he had plowed through some of the attacking Titans trying to get to Levi, he smashed faces in and knocked some backwards and some even down to the ground. He took out a few that way fortunately enough, Levi was being smart in using the fierce Titan to take out the rest before finding a way to subdue the rampaging subordinate. The few that were knocked over recovered quickly however, they only got back up to be knocked down again. Then that was when the ten meter abnormal mid-aged male rose up and turned it's head to the side, it had set it's sights on Armin and so it now had a new target. It turned fully around and crouched down like cat and then lunged with it's maw hanging wide open.

The blonde had no use of his gear except for his blades but that was all he had; he would never be able to outrun them, especially an abnormal. His fate was sealed being out there all by himself.

When Jean noticed this; that was when he bashed a fist on the side of his faulty gear and flew across the open land and towards Armin. He increased the gas flow when he got closer and made another jump as he slowly descended to the ground, it was hard to stay sky born without trees or buildings but a good leap kept him up for a good amount of time with the help of the air apparatus. He neared his companion and redeployed the cables to the ground before the blonde to help him swoop in and collect the panicking form and fly out in that fashion; it didn't go as planed unfortunately. His right cable didn't eject as it should have when he got close enough and he ended up careening further out at an awkward angle from the lack of balance; Kirschstein stalled for seconds in mid air while missing his target thus making him an easy target himself. Jean rammed his fist on the equipment repeatedly in frustration and released more air to flee oncoming danger but soon found himself halfway ensnared in large human jaws in a second's time, he was not fast enough to escape.

He screwed up. It was senseless to use faulty gear in Titan territory, but he really didn't want to see anyone die; definitely not another friend so he took the foolish suicidal Eren-like-endeavor to save a life. Now half of his body was inside a Titan's mouth, it was a nightmare and he had absolutely no time to react as the thing instantly bit down as it landed.

A loud bloodcurdling cry filled the air. A cry from his comrade was heard.

It was hell from that point, teeth had sank into his flesh while his blade compartments were crushed by the monster's large molars as the thing now mercilessly chewed on him. Not only was his gear taking great damage with each chomp; but he himself did and it was so unbelievably excruciating that he was screaming to the top of his lungs until silence befell him from the flow of his last reserves of adrenaline somewhat numbing out his pain. He couldn't fight the damned thing with his bare hands alone, he pounded at his tormentor's lips but did nothing to free himself. His blades and their compartments were the only things keeping him from being completely mashed at the moment; his weapons were being dented up and jammed within the damaged metal boxes. All he could do was watch in horror as the monstrosity disguised as a human being try to gnaw him apart. His 3DMG was being crushed and teeth were slowly sinking further into his torso the more it bit into the metal.

He never wanted that to happen and now it was; it was only a matter of time and he knew it. Joining the Survey Corps was suicide. Jean thought it was all over for him now, he'd be a half eaten corpse like Marco. He had shoved his grief deep inside and held it down for so long and now he couldn't at the flash of Marco's haunting image. Moisture gathered at the edges of his eyes and he didn't care that small warm streams ran down his face, he was as good as dead anyways.

A fierce roar sounded through the air.

It wasn't much longer after when he was freed by a giant fist slamming into the jaw of his tormentor, he flew out of the warping mouth as soon as the teeth lost their grip. At this point he was surprised to find that it was Eren to save him, that all too familiar; ear-piercing and echoing roar was unmistakable. He was astonished more in even being alive at all once he fell several meters and smacked against the ground and tumbled a few feet away while remaining fully intact.

Armin had quickly ran over to him when the Titans moved away and immediately took notice of his injuries whilst panicking and shaking as he normally did, the gruesome sight of human blood always terrified him. Once he calmed he then proceeded to help his injured comrade; but then the hell started all over again when Eren killed the target Titan and turned his attention to him and the incapacitated. Jean couldn't flee from the infamous 'Rouge' Titan without his gear and because of his injuries when it's large hand reached down for him and plucked him off of the ground; completely ignoring the blonde. Armin hesitated and didn't even draw a blade; all because of his trust in his semiconscious friend in his Titan body. Big mistake.

Jean had been eaten, and not by the Titan that was trying to devour them up in the first place, but by Eren in his Titan form for god's sake. The last Titan he would have expected to do such a thing.

"Really Eren?" Jean asked with disbelief, he growled and his eyes glowered in the dark. "That sick idiot shouldn't have went out today because he's gone and lost complete control of himself, he was already showing signs of having faltering control in the past few outings in Titan infested territory." He said to himself heatedly. "Damn it all. You pushed yourself too hard to kill as many as you could; which wasn't much and then went Titan for Hanji's stupid observation and research. I knew this was all a bad idea." He couldn't believe that the captain had let them go this far; everybody had their limits, even Eren Yeager. Now he was acting like a normal Titan and humans were now a part of the menu it seemed, Jean only hoped that either the squad brings Eren down soon or makes him come to his senses. He honestly didn't want company in his current place, that was for sure. Both possibilities seemed unlikely as sad as it was to say. Mikasa and Levi were experts at slaying Titans but Eren was no ordinary Titan, plus they wouldn't kill him. He's humanity's last hope and one of Mikasa's closest friends.

He thought about just cutting his own way out with no harm done to Eren but he was quick to notice that his blades and their compartments were missing. He mentally slapped himself. The irregular Titan bit through one side of them and apparently swallowed the other; Armin removed the remains of the damaged gear when he was freed of the unforgiving mouth, well it's not like he'd have the strength to cut his way out now in his condition anyways.

"This… this is all you're fa-fault you hear Yeager?!" He grunted and winced as he shifted his position to keep his head above the pool. The wounds stung like hell and now the pain was growing with each passing second; his adrenaline from fear, pain, and trying to flee the Titans was wearing off from his exhaustion, he didn't have enough to keep the tenderness down anymore so raw pain was coming to greet him once again.

The man suddenly growled, although it was filled with pain which made his growl sound more like an angered whimper. "Damn it Eren, why wouldn't you just listen!" He hissed, his left eye twitched from his growing irritation. _'Stubborn brat just had to go against orders you?' _Jean thought as he grimaced. "You had to go and lose control… and for what? If you hadn't occupied captain Levi then Connie wouldn't have gotten hurt, Armin wouldn't have nearly been killed, and I wouldn't be sitting here bleeding to death in your disgusting Titan stomach! You should just have went to back to bed this morning you hardheaded idiot!" He screamed, nothing happened though; just as he expected. The only thing that changed was he was lightly rocking around in the disturbed fluid; which indicated that Eren's Titan was on the move. Probably fighting the squad, hopefully not killing any of them. That was but a wishful thought.

Then it finally dawned on him, his death place. "So this is where I am going to die huh?" He said more softly and grunted as he tried to remain in a comfortable position to lesson the powerful throbbing in his side. "I never wanted to- you know?" Thin eyebrows then narrowed sharply. "This is the last place I would want to die in, I would be perfectly content dying on the ground outside. I would have been… fine, we'd all be fine if it weren't for you Eren."

…

…6 Hours Before…

'_Please don't be up. Please still be in bed Eren. Please.' _Armin Arlert plead quietly to himself as he hastily made his way down a set of stairs into the dungeon floor that was his friend's room, a hand carefully glided along the side of the cool stone brick wall as he neared the large wooden door at the end of the small hallway. He lightly breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the door was still closed, once he reached the doorway however; he stopped just inches from it and took a deep breath as he prepared to push it open. A shaking hand rose up to the wood but remained in place, nervousness was eating away at him. His friend was in no condition to fight or even leave the base for that matter, but he was one of those people that didn't like no for an answer… at least when it came to killing Titans. He hated the monsters with every fiber of his being and already pledged to kill them all, lately that was all the Survey Corps were doing; just cleaning up the inner wall of Maria of the majority of Titans as sort of a training and cleansing mission to make it safer around the base and hopefully uncover more secrets of the massive beings and the transforming human ones. His practices and tests with Hanji has helped him improve significantly but he's been in Titan form more often than late and it's taking a pretty big toll on him, Armin could see it and so could everyone else; it was just that bad.

The matter of the fact was though- he was going to have to either convince Eren to stay or just hope that he was still asleep so that squad can finish up today's objective in the meeting and get out on the field before he could even wake up, this way he'd have to stay put. Such an act made the blonde feel as though it was betrayal to leave him behind with commander Erwin, but he only wanted what was best for his friend so he had to go along with Mikasa's plan to sneak out. Eren couldn't just go out again so soon, he looked so ill and feverish. Plus, he was acting out of the norm as a human and struggling to stay in control of himself as a Titan; thus endangering everybody from his lack of mental and physical rest.

The incident from the day before proved this when the headstrong soldier turned Titan and tried to kill Hanji during a sweep up of the massive merciless fiends. She was quick thinking, fast, and agile so she didn't get hurt, but she put herself at risk as she analyzed him in battling other Titans. Eren had been struggling with control for a short while now; often shooting predatory-like glances at his comrades or even trying to swipe at them when they got too close. But it had been a close call that day with his fast unmeasured speed, Hanji got lucky that Captain Levi had cut him out when he was distracted. Once Eren emerge from his Titan body he looked awful; worse than the day prior. It seemed like Eren Yeager was declining in health every time he went Titan and now he goes and attacks Hanji with the serious intent to kill? The same case had happened before when he tried to kill Mikasa back in Trost. Eren said that he never recalled trying to kill her nor Hanji so Armin was very concerned and hoped that his friend only needed to rest for a few days.

"Here goes nothing." He said quietly to himself as he gently pushed the door open, a light creak from the rusted iron hinges made him cringe as the screechy noise sounded. But before he could push it all the way open; it opened all the way on it's own and the teal-green eyed young man stood fully clothed in his uniform at the doorway with a bit of surprise on his face.

"Armin, what are you doing?" Eren asked as he readjusted the green cloak along his shoulders to sit more properly, he moved rather slow for an action so simple.

Armin mentally sighed with disappointment, he was really hoping that Eren was still tired from yesterday's state of affairs and would still be sleeping. That was not the case unfortunately, but oh how it wished it was so.

He blinked a few times and gaped in shock when he noticed how much more pallid Eren's skin had become, he could also tell that he was ever so softly swaying when he didn't do that the day before when he looked sick then. Faded red marks still lined diagonally along his upper cheekbones, eyelids, and his forehead instead of disappearing over a few hours time like they used to. His eyelids looked a little more swollen and were a tint or two more darker than normal, a band of tarnished skin rested under his eyes. Now he was very concerned. "Eren… you look terrible." Armin started with reluctance as he continued to stare at the form of his friend that seemed to be deteriorating even more day by day.

Eren Yeager sighed heavily and moved a hand up to brush the side of his aching head. "Again Armin? I'm fine, I have a bit of a headache and I am a little tired but I am perfectly fine."

That was a lie, Armin was already used to Eren's false face of assurance; his deceptive words weren't going to work this time because he needed to know that he was ill and needed to rest. "I-I can't believe that, I am sorry to say this; but I disagree. You look worse than yesterday, you can't possibly be thinking about leaving your room looking like that."

"I'm getting ready to go to see today's objective." He started softly while adjusting one of his harnesses that attached to the side of his leg, it appeared to be loose as did his gas can and blade compartment; loose equipment was dangerous and could easily effect his performance and cause him to crash. "Believe me, I feel okay even if I don't look it alright. We can't waste time standing here Armin, were going to be late to the meeting. Levi is probably going to have us going out on open terrain again, either that or go get more supplies since we're running low; but I guess we'll see if that's the case when we get there. There's no need to worry about me though, I feel fine. Besides, you guys need me out there."

"But Eren?" Armin started softly with doubt and worry. "Your health-, you don't look so good. Your pale and terribly sickly looking, just like when we pulled you out of your Titan body yesterday. All of these transformations and fighting recklessly in that form lately is putting a large strain on your body, you're getting worse. You need to stay here and take a break for a little while, just ask for a break. I am sure that Captain Levi will understand, and Hanji should too. It's been a while since you've had some down time. I mean everyone has set out at least once or twice in our missions of eliminating Titans, even the Captain had stayed back at the base once to clean while we went out to bait a few Titans to the woods and get the drop on them. You know? The usual. But recently we have been staying out in open fields instead of getting on higher grounds to face them; all of us struggle a bit on the grasslands with little to nothing to help us fly but with the Titans themselves, it's been risky but-."

"It's too risky, we've all struggled out there… even me." The brunette admitted bitterly with his teeth barred. "But I don't care about being the best with the gear, as long as we wipe out the Titans then I could care less."

"But what I am trying to say is that you've been killing Titans in your Titan form more than you have as a soldier." Armin started cautiously; he knew that trying to talk Eren out of killing Titans for a day would put his friend in a lot of distress. The blonde lightly gulped and daringly gazed into the brunette's eyes. "I know that you aren't good on plains with the gear either; seeing as the maneuverable mechanisms were strictly made for movement throughout the inner walls with rooftops of the buildings being our leveled ground with Titans. This is- no- seems to be why you prefer going all Titan than using your gear lately, and Hanji seems to always approve."

Eren lightly sneered at the slightly shorter form blocking his doorway. "Are you saying that I can't use-"

"No, not at all!" He abruptly shouted and lowered his head. "Look, we all have are weaknesses and I believe that the captain is just trying to prepare us for anything. It's real difficult to master our 3DMG on flat grounds but he seems to do just fine which means he's had a lot of practice. We should be able to as well in case we have to take Titans on open lands, you don't always have to give up on it and go all out as a fifteen-meter." The blonde blinked in surprise as a hand latched onto his shoulder and gently pushed him to the side, he showed no resistance but held his pleading expression in those blue orbs. "Eren?" He asked as the taller boy walked a few feet away and stopped but with his head turned away from his childhood friend.

"Almost every time that we have been out there; someone has been close to being killed by a Titan. Like you said, this gear isn't made for flat terrain." He said blankly as his hand brushed past his green cloak and placed his palm on the cold surface of the gas can that was attached to lower side of his thigh. "I don't know why Levi wants us to do something as ridiculous as mastering our gear on open flat land; but everybody needs protection out there. You know how Sasha planted the ground after trying to get away from one of the irregulars last week, she could have been killed if I didn't reach her in time."

"Eren, I get that but still- you should rest for awhile. Take some time to actually get a good amount of sleep, you need it. Levi was making his way there so if you didn't reach her then he would have. The captain is keeping a close eye on us out there and he'll be there if you can't, you trust him and so do I. There's no need to waste the energy, we're a team."

"I trust him with my life as well, but we won't have a team if everyone dies." He said blankly as he turned around. "I am still going and you can't stop me. I feel fine Armin so stop trying to hold me back, none of you can make my decisions for me; only I can. I will rest later so don't worry." He finished coolly as he ambled down the corridor.

"Oh- okay then." The blonde finally gave up with his upper body slumping downwards in defeat, he couldn't find the right words to convince his friend and he hated himself for giving in so soon when he normally held the brunette back for nearly half an hour with their recent standoffs. He failed to find the courage to say the right words at the moment but knew deep down inside exactly what he should have sputtered; Eren was a deadly hazard and could actually kill someone in his current state, maybe even his human-self if he wasn't careful. Arlert just couldn't muster the nerve to tell his friend the painful truth of going Titan again, he didn't want to stress their friendship while he was in such a character that didn't really seem like the real him. Eren was … different now. He wanted his old friend back, a little rest and relaxation should mentally put him there but that didn't seem like it was about to happen anytime soon. Stress would only make matters worse.

Armin lifted his head to see the young man now moving slowly up the steps with his hands on the wooden rails to help him up, it was a pitiful sight to see him staggering every few steps or so. "You need to be strong when we need you the most, just conserve your strength when you can. Just do that for me alright?"

"I will Armin, don't sweat it." Came Eren's voice and a light wave of the hand as he neared the top, his tone sounded more light and upbeat like his usual self.

Armin found a brief smile crawl on his lips from the short-lived normality of his friend before it fell flat when Eren walked around the corner and into the main hall, he only hoped that someone else could talk the poor guy into staying back because he really hated fighting against his childhood companion.

...

Eren's vision blurred in and out for a few seconds as he made for the exit of the stairwell and headed into the main corridor. He only shook his head and blinked repeatedly as if to wake himself up, this only caused his headache to worsen to his distress. He narrowed his eyes. He had to tolerate it, he had to protect his friends and kill every Titan he could see to make another step closer to freeing humanity from their cage of the giant walls. He also wasn't going to let another soldier die so long as he could prevent it.

Growling from the ache; Eren lowered his head and clasped a hand on the side of his temple as he moved down the hallway, his eyes stayed on the floor as he pressed through the hall with a light sway in his amble. _'Why do I feel so drained? I've had plenty of rest the way Armin speaks of my multiple hours of unconsciousness, so why? It feels like I've ran into a wal-' _Eren was abruptly detached from his thoughts as he collided into something that seemed remotely like a wall, he grimaced as he stumbled backwards a few steps with his hand now covering his pained forehead.

"Hey watch it!"

'_I know that voice.' _Eren removed his teal-green gaze from the floor and looked up to see the guy he stumbled into. The taller form with honey-colored eyes and two-tone hair color was undeniably him. "Jean." He said with annoyance, his headache had increased in intensity from the run-in and now it was getting worse. He really didn't want to argue with the guy; especially after his argument with Armin to go out with the group, both of them along with Mikasa have been trying to hold him back and talk him out of going lately. They were wasting their time, no one was going to stop him from leaving the base and killing those freakish monsters. Not even the Captain, although he disapproved in the notion every time lately but allowed him to leave anyways on his own accord.

Jean had glared back, holding that same fierceness in his eyes as his comrade's; they were both locked in a staring stalemate, neither Jean nor Eren backed down from their rival.

Eren grumbled lowly to himself as he had noticed that Kirschstein was blocking up his pathway out, he tried to brush past the taller guy but the man quickly moved to the side to cut him off. "Out of my way Jean." He said darkly with his fixed glare still on his comrade.

"And just where in the hell do you think you are going Yeager?" Jean replied acrimoniously.

He had a feeling that the 'horse-face' was going to try and stop him like everybody else… again for the third time this week. The only problem with it being Jean in the way is the animosity they had towards each other. The rivalry tension between them had been settling more calmly since they both joined the Survey Corps, but still; fights were still easily sparked as they were back in their training days and he wasn't eager for another one. "Where does it look like I am going? I am going to the stables Horse-face, now out of my way."

Eren attempted to scrape past him again and actually managed to this time until a hand grabbed the hood of his cloak and jerked him backwards, he barked from surprise and felt himself reeling backwards and then to the side until his back met the wall. He grunted from the rough impact and glared darkly at Jean. A hand moved up and latched onto the collar of his uniform and held firmly, it pushed the brunette back into the wall and kept him a good inch off of the ground; this meant that the 'Mr. long face' was serious.

"Like hell you are. How many times does it take to get this through your thick skull?" Jean retorted with his fists clenched, the hand that was clenched around the other's shirt lightly shook. "Have you even looked at yourself lately? You look like shit if you haven't yet noticed. What you need to do is take off your gear and get back to bed, you are in no condition to go anywhere."

Eren growled and clenched onto the wrist that kept him suspended, he then proceeded to push away at it but was strangely having some trouble when he normally wouldn't; Jean seemed a little stronger than usual. But then again; he's almost never got physically violent against the guy when they usually just exchanged abrasive words and shared glares so he didn't really know the other's strength, but he could take him because no one was going to stop him from doing his job, from exacting his revenge, and for following his dream of going beyond the walls. "Let me go." He sneered and continued to push; now with both hands shoving the clasped hand.

The smaller guy was struggling and Jean could tell, he honestly expected someone as resolute and hardheaded as Eren to put up more of a fight than this futile and mediocre attempt to free himself. Eren really did look ill, he even had the faded reddened marks still across his eyes and face from his most recent transformation. They probably wouldn't be so easy to see if it weren't for the fact that he was so pale, that was another aspect that showed that he was in no condition to do anything so taxing for a while. Plus he was lightly shuddering and unbalanced with a subtle lean to the side as if his head was somewhat weighing half of his body down. He looked pretty much pathetic and as much as Jean hated the guy; he couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.

Yeager was always so impulsive and impatient, so willing to get out there and get reckless and all he was doing was hurting himself. The stupid brat needed to learn that no matter how strong he was; he needed rest, he had limits just like everybody else. Even if he could take on the body of a Titan, he was still a human on the inside and still prone to exhaustion; even more so when that larger form of his drained him dry of energy and apparently his consciousness. Lately Titan Eren has been swinging at the good guys and trying to take on everybody like they were his enemies, it was like he didn't have teammates nor care for his friends anymore in that form. Hanji had made some decent speculations as to why, exhaustion seemed to be one of them due to the Titan's high core temperature messing with the Eren's head like a really bad fever. Jean didn't know the specifics and he could really care less about anything that dealt with Titans, all he had to do was follow the Survey Corps most basic demands: kill Titans, take care of the squad, survive, and unfortunately; protect the reckless Eren Yeager.

Jean's expression softened a bit. "Look at you, you can't even muster the strength to push yourself free. This right here is all the proof we need to see that you should stay here, you don't have the strength to go out and fight today. So forget it and stay put."

Teeth ground and teal eyes lightly widened and then narrowed from such words. He was strong, he had to be to protect Mikasa and Armin and everyone else. But the horse-face was right, if he couldn't break free from a simple man's grasp then how was he going to protect them? "No." He lowered his head to hide his face while his teeth visibly barred to show his frustration. He wasn't a quitter, he had to be stronger then. If he could fully transform into a Titan and only stay unconscious for a few hours as opposed to a few days then he was making progress and getting better. It was true that he used to be out cold for days when he first started to use his form but now he would only fall unconscious and be out for two to three hours, sometimes longer; but not as near as many hours as he used to and he can hold his entire form now. His practices and tests with Hanji had helped out considerably, but being out in the Titan infested territory was a test of it's own and he had to exceed his weaknesses no matter what.

"No!" He shouted aloud and with a sudden rush of energy he forced Jean and his hand away from him; making the beige haired male release him and stagger back a few steps. Eren regained his footing, although his posture was off.

Golden brown eyes widened in astonishment for a short moment before narrowing, he didn't expect such force from someone so fatigued. "Damn it! Would you just listen!"

"If I can stand then I can fight!" Eren shouted and softly inhaled as if he had been running for a short time.

"Cut the crap spouting out of your loudmouth, you are not well enough to go out there; even with that little shove it's not going to take out any Titans that's for damn sure. You'll be killed if you go out there. Hell, you're barely standing up straight as it is. I bet you won't even be able to stay on your horse seeing as you keep rocking like that."

Noticing this; Eren quickly fixed his position and held his arms firmly against his sides to better balance himself, he continued to glare. "I am fine, a bit of shuddering is not going to stop me from riding out there nor will it stop me from killing Titans."

"Then just how strong do you feel right now? Physically that is? You're as pale as a ghost, probably running a high fever, and you're shaking. You're huffing from a simple action as a shove, it's not normal to have labored breathing by simply making a push. You look as frail as a butterfly; like a small gust of wind could just swoop in and blow you over. Deny everything I just said if you want but what I spoke was of the truth, you are in no condition to kill Titans; let alone turn into one."

"Then I will overcome this weakness, lives are on my hands!" Eren barked and brushed past Jean.

"Are you an idiot?! You can't overcome fatigue!" Jean spun and grabbed the brunette by the shoulder and stopped him again.

"Damn you! Will you just let me go!?"

"Not until you realize what you are doing! You're so sick right now that you aren't thinking straight, if you were well rested and healthy again then you wouldn't be acting like this. You're only going to end up hurting yourself and your friends if you just storm off and lose focus on what's important, you've already put one life at risk this week and swatted at the rest of us like bothersome flies when we neared your Titan body. So please just stop this madness and listen for once. Everyone's lives is on your hands right?" Jean spoke more calmly when he noticed that Eren seemed less tense by his words. "By going out there you are putting lives at risk, we already know what you tried to do to Mikasa once and now Hanji. You will be doing no one any favors if you leave now, everyone has limits and you've hits yours. It's kind of obvious now, all of those transformations have worn you down and yet you continue to rely on that Titan form instead of the abilities you gained after all those years of training by Shadis. You've exceeded me in the ranks so you should know better than to rely on one specific ability. I've tried to best you in every ability back then and I fell short at everything except for the 3DM gear; everything else you beat me in. So take time to think instead of acting on impulse, get some rest for once. Use common sense, …you're only human."

Hearing those words made Eren look away as he stood there. "I am just doing what you asked me to remember?" He tilted his head to the side a bit. "When everybody joined the Survey Corps you told me to weigh the lives who are willing to sacrifice themselves …for me…" He hid his eyes for a moment and clenched his fists. "And I am doing just that. I am going to make sure that no one else dies because of me! I hold their lives in MY hands!" He voice rose. "Never again will people fall to protect me so as long as I can do something to prevent it!" Eren then ripped his shoulder from Jean's grasp and moved quickly down the hall with a slight stagger in his steps, he soon disappeared behind an open doorway.

Jean scoffed and folded his arms with a small scowl on his face. "That's 'exactly' what I asked of you." He started quietly to himself. "But you still aren't thinking clearly. How can you protect those lives that are shielding yours when you're the one trying to take them? Did you ever think of that? If you can't control your Titan self then we'll be the ones to pay Eren, you won't even know we're dead in your hands."

…

**A/N: So how was it so far? It has been edited. Please review and tell me what you think and if I should continue. Also, I do apologize if I use terms and words like Survey Corps(Scouting Regiment) from the manga and some from the anime, it's not as much as it is preferences as it is just being used to them considering I've watched the first fifteen episodes and then read the manga all the way to up to date so I am used to a variety of Snk(AoT) terms.**


	2. A Coward and A Leader

**What's One Life**

**Part 2: A Coward and A Leader**

**A/N: Sorry for the late post, been busy as usual with life and all, but side from that I thank you for reading, this chapter is a lot better than the last. Read and Enjoy.**

* * *

…5 hours before…

Jean entered the stables and slowly ambled down the cobble footpath that lead to his horse, his eyes darted to the sides as he passed each stall that his comrades getting ready to mount up. Erwin's stable was the first in his sights; it was empty of his presence since he wasn't coming along with his arm being gone, it contained the white majestic animal just chewing up some hay like it was free of worry while some of the other steeds were acting a little nervous with the trip to Titan territory. Hanji's was across from his which also was devoid of her presence since she has yet to enter the stables. Mikasa was the next stable to catch his eye, she already had the saddle on her horse, she was just tightening the buckle to keep the saddle secured in place and she looked as beautiful as ever doing it; so Jean thought.

His gaze moved to his right to see Levi checking the stall of any filth before taking out a small white cloth and wiping the saddle on his black horse, he spent a good amount of time wiping the saddle down as if it was covered in layers of grime. He continuously raked his fingers on the leather padding and scanned for even a speck of dirt. The beige-haired male only softly scoffed at the ridiculousness of the 'overly obsessed need to be clean' guy as he walked by.

Jean then passed several empty stalls along with occupied ones with horses that had no riders, this emptiness in the stable was unnerving and gave him grim thoughts of the deceased soldiers who were killed by Titans. So many lives were lost and so many of the horses were lost or killed by trampling Titans, a great loss for future soldiers and transportation in Titan territory. So many potential soldiers could have filled those empty slots if only they survived, so many lives had been sent to their death and they allowed themselves to do it and knew of their fate. This made him wonder if he made the right decision too, he only shook his head with a grunt of annoyance at the thought. Of course he made the right decision. As crazy as it was; Eren Yeager was humanity's only chance to pave the way to a world unknown, to freedom of the walls, and freedom of death by Titans. Besides, he couldn't live with the notion of being behind the walls while more of his comrades die; he had lost enough and seen so much death that he'd never be the same again.

A horse in one of the stalls ahead neighed aloud and reared up it's forelegs in protest, it was Sasha's chosen steed and it didn't look happy staring at the saddle in her hands.

"Calm down now, …please?" She asked softly with a pleading look and then yelped and dropped the mount gear when Connie moved up behind her and grabbed her by the hood of her cloak and yanked her back out of the stall to keep her from getting kicked.

"Sasha are you crazy?! Pick another one; this one obviously knows where were going and it doesn't want to leave and I don't blame it! … Even animals have fears you know, their experience and ours are nearly the same when it comes to those hulking bastards stomping across the land after us." Connie finished while quickly closing the gate to keep the frightened animal locked in. "A lot of them had been killed along with the squad, so it's not really eager to get out there and it's safe to say that I feel the same way. …But- we wouldn't be doing our job if we hide all of the time, we're soldiers. So just forget this one and go find another."

Sasha gave a heavy disappointed and sad look with her lips pursed into that of a pout. "But I always ride Ginger, she's just… just a little scared is all. I am sure she'll come out of it in a few minutes." She finished with an unsure tone as she approached the gate of the stall and reached her hand it. "Come on girl?"

Jean walked by her and Connie, he felt a little annoyed from the horse whinnying again in objection and Sasha sulking aloud with a halfhearted sob.

"Oh come on!"

Passing a few more stalls; Jean could see his pride and beauty at the main end of the structure just calmly stationed in the stable with it's head over the gate and it's ears perked upright as if trying to what was going on with the few disturbed horses. The passive animal brushed it's snout into Jean's hands when he finally neared it, it quietly stood in place as the man stroked it's thin fine hair of it's face.

"Hey girl, it looks like we're going out again." He said quietly with a faint smile as he continued to pet it, the horse exhaled lightly in content when he began to brush the side of it's neck. "I am going to have to trust you to not leave me again this time okay?" The animal paid him no mind and continued to look around the other stables to see the loud commotion that Sasha and her horse continued to make. "… Eh, what am saying? I am talking to a horse." His smile fell to frown and he grabbed the bridle off of a hook that was secured to the small gate, he fastened the harness onto the gentle creature then entered the stable to pull the saddle and fabric padding hanging off the wall and carefully placed them on the animal's back. He belted the leather up and pulled along the loose ends to test the slackness and it was a tad too loose so he kneeled down to tighten just a little more.

"Armin, I don't need help."

"But Eren?"

Once Jean finished fastening the belt he peered up out of his stall to see Yeager and his smaller blonde friend just a few stalls down on the opposite side of the building, Armin looked as though he was trying his best to help his friend by moving into the stable to grab the saddle's cushion but the teal-eyed boy seemed agitated with his expression and moved forward to put it on the animal himself.

"Wait. Just at least let me get the saddle on for you okay?"

"Armin we've been over this, I don't need-" Eren was quickly cut off when Mikasa walked up from behind and placed a hand on his shoulder, the brunette spun around and lightly growled as Armin continued to suit the brown animal up in the other's distraction. "Mikasa?"

"Eren please, you don't have to go out there today." She said calmly with eyes that held what looked like empathy mixed with melancholy and seriousness.

"I am, I can if I want to and I want to."

"I know that, but you really need to think about th-"

"Think! Yes I know. The 'consequences', I get that."

The black-haired young woman nodded with a deep frown. "Very well then, I won't try and stop you anymore. But-" She quickly continued before the angered Titanshifter could reply as he opened his mouth. "At least let us help you even if you don't think you need it. We're going further into Titan territory which means we have be ready and well equipped at all times out there, we must also be very cautious and preserve our strength for when we need it most. You're in no condition to shift right now, so if you are struggling out in the fields then fall back and stick to your group. I would rather be there for you but I'm not in your squad this time so you'll have to be careful with being on open plains wi-"

"I already told you that I wasn't going to transform unless the circumstances demands it so quit acting like I'm going out there to do just that!" He said with his voice raised, it continued to rise with each word. "And like I said, I don't need help; I feel well enough to ride and kill Titans, so would everybody just leave me alone about telling me to sit out! I am not missing a single day of killing Titans, get that through yours and everyone else's heads!" Eren said as he looked down the stable lines to see his fellow soldiers and higher-ups all looking at him, he wanted all of them to hear him. "And Mikasa, I know I'm not the best with 3DM gear on flat land-"

"That s true, but you are near your physical limit-" She started as Eren continued to talk, as if she was ghosting his words.

"But I intend to get out there and get better with it!"

"I understand but-"

"I don't need you and everyone-"

"But I just want-"

"Hey, are you even listening to me?!" He snarled.

"For you to be safe and not get hurt or killed, I only worry-"

"Damn it, STOP!" He commanded and the young woman calmly obeyed. "Just stop this! Stop being so overly protective and worried! Quit monitoring my every move and talking to me like I am a child! You're not my mom!" Eren barked aloud with his teeth barred, his loud voice echoed throughout the shelter and made everyone fall silent, even the horses grew quiet. His fuming expression faltered when Mikasa quietly gaped from the harsh words.

Mikasa's expression had then hardened some and the look in her eyes were now blank and emotionless. "No matter what you say, I will protect you Eren, worry about you, … care about you." She spoke with a more louder tone, it at least held the emotion that her eyes couldn't show. "You can not stop me with harsh words or even a fist if it comes to it. I know I am not your mother but she told me to look after you on her final day and I intend to do that so long as I live, so continue to object me if you would like, but that won't stop me." She said more softly as the brunette blinked in uncertainty as she stood there unmoved by his outburst.

Eren then quickly spun around and entered the stable when Armin finished fixing the saddle up, he hid his eyes as he grabbed the harness and tugged the gentle creature out of the stall and walked alone towards the exit.

"Eren wait." Armin reached a hand out for the form moving down the line of stables, but he was hesitant to immediately follow so he only let his hand stay hovering for a short second before letting it fall to his side.

Jean sneered, it annoyed and angered him that Eren would go and yell at Mikasa like that and then just turn away so rudely. All she was doing was just expression her concern and that's how he goes and treats her? He had been so tempted to call Yeager out for that stunt but he knew Mikasa wouldn't have been happy about it, even though she was the one hurt she probably would have been pissed off if he did with her around. Yeager had it lucky to have someone that devotional and caring, now it seemed like he was taking it for granted. Then again, Eren has been more aggressive of late with restlessness and overtaxing himself. But still, it's his fault for not resting and he should know better than to take his frustrations out on his closest friends.

Kirschstein opened the gate to his stall and lead the dark russet horse out with his eyes trained on the backs of Armin's and Mikasa's. Mikasa was quiet and almost certainly inwardly distressed but soon followed the brunette despite of the fact.

"Eren?" Armin asked although his friend was already walking his horse around the bend of the main gates on the opposite end of the stables. He sighed and quietly headed to the stall next to Jean's that contained his horse, he slowly opened the gate and got to work on suiting his mount for the ride.

Jean noticed how disheartened the blonde looked as he walked by, Armin was silently sulking but pretending like he wasn't bothered much by Eren's little rage fit however; his expression was showing it all. The shorter man tried to hold a straight face but he was failing with his frown deepening. The beige-haired male stopped at the stall and folded his arms as he watched Armin finish buckling the horse's saddle.

"Forget about him."

Armin leaned up and turned around to find Jean standing there. "I know, he's… just not himself right now." Arlert grabbed the bridle and slipped it onto the horse's head before adjusting the rope to fit it more comfortably. "Thanks for taking the time to talk to him for me though, I wished it was enough."

"Welcome, but I doubt it did any good. They say third time's the charm but I'm getting the feeling that the saying is not always the case." Jean said with a sigh as he moved his free hand to pet and calm the large lively animal at his side.

"I don't know? At first I thought you did some good."

"What do you mean? The last two times I confronted Yeager were shorter and he mostly ignored me or ran his mouth until I gave up. I think blocking his only exit helped this time, him being weaker also made it a little easier to hold him back and talk him out of it but you saw how that plan worked."

"I thought that me and Mikasa wouldn't be able to do much seeing as he is used to us talking him out of things, but he seemed rather levelheaded at the meeting after you confronted him."

"Is that so?" The taller man tilted his head to the side a bit in skepticism. "I saw you talking to him at the other end of the room back there at the meeting but I couldn't hear him. Then last I saw him; he wasn't so 'levelheaded'. You know, this instance that just occurred?"

"About that." Armin started nervously. "He seemed fine until the captain stopped him after today's discussion and told him about going out and getting killed, he was also told not to kill anyone. Captain Levi was really adamant about Eren making the right choice; saying that if he goes Titan-berserk and kills any of us then he'd be out of the squad for good in it being the consequences to his decision of going Titan and losing control if he ultimately chose to. Eren didn't take that news so easily, he was pretty much put in a bad mood afterwards."

"Levi would get rid of him and send him back over the inner walls? No way in hell."

"I seriously doubt that too, knowing our position as the Survey Corps and Eren's importance to the squadron and humanity; I highly doubt that would ever happen. He's a great asset and we can't just hand him over to the MP. It's likely a threat if anything to try and keep him from transforming at all so that no one is put at risk, I can't say if Eren believes that but then again; Levi can be very convincing. I know he doesn't show it, but something tells me that our captain values us."

"That is hard to believe."

"I know, especially with him pushing us to do better and all but he's doing everything he can to keep us alive. He seems to value human life, our small squad in particular since he's always within distance of us lately."

"Then yelling at us, training us hard, and forcing us to clean is a funny way of showing it."

Armin lightly smiled as Jean moved to the side to let his horse out. "Yeah, I thought so too."

"Anyways, don't let Yeager's words bother you okay? Both me and you are pretty much babysitting him today so we have plenty of time to chat up a storm, I'll be sure to get onto him for yelling at Mikasa like that."

"I suppose you're right but he's not going to be too happy to talk."

"Nope, not at all."

The two walked quietly to the end of the stables.

"You want to know something Jean?"

"Huh? What?" Kirschstein asked as he looked down to his side at the smaller form, he had asked with a bit of curiosity despite the broad impassive features on his face.

"Eren told me that you had said some pretty strong words back there, he told me that he actually debated on staying but ultimately chose to go to protect us after discussing today's plan of attack on the Titans in the grasslands."

Jean rolled his eyes and a heavy sigh escaped his lips, he them moved a hand up to brush his fingers through his hair to relieve his heated scalp. "Yeah right, he just wants to kill Titans."

Armin halfheartedly chuckled. "I suppose that could be an unspoken reason but he did sound like he was really considering it… well until the captain wanted to talk to him that is." Armin lightly smiled as they walked their horses to the gate to the main enclosure where the rest of the soldiers were gathering and conversing. The two could see Eren was sitting on his horse off to the side with Levi speaking to him, the Titanshifter didn't seem all too happy sitting through with what seemed to be a lecture before heading out.

'Looks like he's getting another talk. Serves him right.'

Jean thought to himself_._

"He said that you brought up some valid points." Arlert started again.

"Really? That's also hard to believe."

"No, really."

"Eh?"

"He told me that you said that everyone's lives was on his hands, that he was so ill that he wasn't thinking straight. He told me that you practically reminded him of how dire the situation would be if he was to go out there and fight Titans as a Titan, that he'd be putting more lives on the line if he was to lose control again. He doesn't want to ever hurt us, just protect us and free us of the walls and all Titans beyond. Eren said that he hit his limit by transforming so frequently, he even felt a little loss for pride by not improving his 3DM skills like he could have been out in the fields with the rest of us. I was quite surprised when he mentioned that you admitted to being inferior to him in all skills except for that in maneuverability gear, I honestly didn't know that you were the type to throw pride away?" Armin mused with a chuckle, it was so unlike the guy to do that.

Jean was taken aback and took a step backwards with his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Wait, did I really say that?"

"You don't remember?" Armin inquired.

The beige-haired man thought back then huffed loudly, he moved his palm to the side of his face with a light smack. "Damn, must have been caught up in the tense moment to let my guard down and say something so stupid like that. Now I will never live it down. … Damn you Yeager." He quietly cursed under his breath.

"Well I can't say that was a bad thing; though it's unbecoming of you. I can however; say that it made him feel better, got a good and short little laugh out of it too."

Jean felt his eyebrows narrow and one twitch in annoyance. _'Again, damn you Yeager.' _

"But in all seriousness-" The blonde continued. "He considered your words. He really did but they kind of countered and clashed, he said that he didn't want anyone else to die when he can prevent it. To hold every single life that was lost or still surviving in the Survey Corps on his account, for all the lives it took to get him back and protect him. That's why he's out here today, he feels accountable for everyone's life even when he could just stay here in hiding and not be out there risking his own skin. It's like he's carrying us all on his shoulders when he really doesn't have to… at least not for a little mission that he doesn't have to partake in because of his condition."

"Tch. He's a reckless idiot." Jean countered as he hoped up onto his horse and steadied himself on the saddle to sit properly.

Armin laughed again. "You know, that's a funny thing actually. Eren said the exact opposite a short while ago and he was okay with to admitting it too, he said that you were smart, strong, and suited for headship."

An eyebrow furrowed and twitched in question. "What?!"

…

…Present Time…

…

"Damn, it's so hot …in here." He started with an agitated tone and winced from the growing tenderness, the tainted air around him was stifling and only added to his misery. He struggled to stay upright from the swaying movements in the sweltering fluid like huge ripples in a small puddle which meant that Eren was still moving, fighting Titan's, or attacking their friends. "Would you please just give me a damn break!?" He shouted aloud and then moved his arms down to his sides to clasp over the wounds when they stretched a little, it hurt like hell when he touched the tender places and he could of sworn he cracked his teeth when he gnashed them tightly together to contain the sound of his pain in his throat. "Why… me…?" He growled through his teeth. "Why me?!" He closed his eyes halfway and took deep breaths.

…

_"Why me?!"_

_"Because if I had to choose anyone other than Levi and Erwin to get us out of a bad mess then I'd put my trust in you more than anyone else, … but don't take it as a complement Horse-face. I am only saying this because it's true."_

_"What?! Don't be stupid! Armin has the brains in this outfit, and Mikasa has the skills of thirty soldiers. Why not put your faith in your born-talent friends than me?"_

_"They sure are gifted but I would still pick you because they don't have what you have-"_

_"And that is?_

…

"Damn it, now is not the time for this." Jean felt himself rock around in the thick slippery substance until he finally smacked into a fleshy wall; he leaned against it to keep himself upright and to get a better hold on his wounds. "Now even I can't think straight. The last thing I want if for my past to flash before my eyes Yeager."

…

_"Please Jean, if something happens to me or if our friends are split up from the captain or the commander- then I want you to lead them to safety. … … I know that they'll be in good hands."_

…

"I am no leader damn it, we have Erwin, Hanji, and Levi to hold those roles for us. And even if we do somehow get out of contact with them; our chances would be slim, especially in a coward's hands like mine."

…

_"Well that's where you're wrong Jean. That was the old you, that coward is long gone."_

…

Jean blinked at the thought, those words were still etched in his head as well as the rest of the nuisance of a memory.

"If I am such a great leader then why am I here? I am sitting here… d-dying and I have done nothing for my fellow soldiers out there Eren." He spoke with a pained tone. "Well… except for Armin in my attempt, but I really di-didn't help him to safety so it really doesn't count. So why did you even say such… nonsense when-… when I couldn't get us… ou-out of that mess?" Jean mused aloud with his head leaning downward to survey his wounds again.

* * *

"You'd make a great leader" Eren said softly but genuinely when he looked back at Jean, his bright teal-green eyes showed his confidence in the man. Those fierce orbs held promise; as they always had and even now despite his current horrid condition, they were striking and vibrant like they belonged to an unstoppable super human.

Jean was suddenly taken aback by those words. He blinked and stared for a short moment before his brows narrowed softly as he looked down at his hands that were wrapped around the horse reins. Marco had said the same thing once, those words that once came from his best but now deceased friend was now coming from the mouth of the guy he hated the most. One he considered a rival since they joined the scouts. This was Eren Yeager he was talking about; the suicidal, hotheaded, impulsive, idiotic, battle-charging, headstrong, temperamental, Mikasa-stealing, loud-mouthed, bold, and strong brat that could transform into a fifteen meter titan and crush everyone by simply stepping on them with the heel of his giant bare foot. The guy was pretty short in his human form but in a Titan's; he was larger than life, maybe not a big as the colossal but he was definitely huge in Titan flesh. Plus, he could easily fight other Titans and rip them apart with his bare hands and even his teeth, literally. He was a monster, and a great ally. He is nearly the single most important soldier out of the Survey Corps and possibly out of every high ranking soldier in the Military and possibly even the king himself, he was just that important that he was humanity's only hope and yet Eren hated that significance and the cost that came with it. Personally, Jean couldn't blame him.

So how come someone so powerful in Titan strength, courage, and resolve be saying that a poor excuse of a weak and cowardly human being would be a great leader? Granted, he wasn't all that weak physically amongst his squad, but meeting a Titan's strength he could never do single-handedly. Not to mention the fear he still had for the overly human sized forms with those wicked and sickly twisted smiles, smiles that looked so innocent on the outside but really hid the ravenous intent of the monster's never-ending hunger for human flesh and blood. Every single Titan he killed or attempted to, or even the ones he seen without taking an action against; had sent a shiver of some sort up his spine.

That primal fear always grated on his rationally and made being out in the fields his worst nightmare no matter how well he could use his gear in open terrain, thankfully he was mindful enough to actually move when he needed to so that he would not be killed. Anger at times was all he needed to get the courage to risk his skin for the kill, but there had been plenty of times when he tucked his tail behind his legs and fled for the sake of his worthless life. Like when he was caught up in Titan infested territory of Trost. He wanted to live so badly, he couldn't march to his death like he fellow brave soldiers in the fall of Trost; he was a coward. A damn coward! That was the whole reason why he wanted to join the MP in the first place; he'd be far from the Titans and living good with three healthy meals a day and hold some authority. It was a life inside the walls that anyone would have wanted, but he found that a part of himself that day had changed when Trost was invaded.

And to think that after seeing the big bastards so often of late that he would have been used to them by now, not as afraid. If only that were the case. Mikasa, Hanji, and Levi didn't seem to be afraid of the Titans in any way, but then again... they were excellent at killing them and he wasn't as near as good, they never hesitated or let the idea of death get in their way with the exception of Hanji; who liked to talk to Titans before killing them. He was adept with his maneuverability gear but too slow to ready his blade, too hesitant to make the good quick cut with doubt of his capability getting in the way. He wasn't suicidal, he just wanted to live and not screw up.

He just wanted to… see another day. But… He wanted the Titans to be no more. He wanted to make up for himself that day.

He had to metaphorically climb over many bodies of his comrades to survive back in Trost, it was selfish but it was also pure instinct and he hated himself every time he remembered what he did. He clawed over the struggling soldiers and hoisted himself to safety just so that he could live; so many lives were snatched up and devoured greedily by the Titans and all he did was watch and progress to safer grounds by his own selfish means. Those horrifying cries still haunted him, he could have at least showed an ounce of concern and allegiance by attempting to save them but all he did was flee for his life and leave them to be pulled apart and eaten.

Possible opportunities to be a real hero were wasted. People were wasted to save his own hide, so many lives that perished on that single afternoon. But those lives did save 'some' of his more closer comrades, it was a bittersweet thought. Many for a few, a few he cared more for. Many for his eagerness to live and save his friends if he could. Some he couldn't, his only real friend was killed without his acknowledgement; bitten asunder. It took this realization and his hate for the behemoth bastards to leave the idea of safety of the Military Police and join the Survey Corps, he owed those lives he stepped on... all of humanity for his 'betrayal'. He never wanted to repeat the loss of a friend, losing Marco was hard enough to take and that tattered body still haunted his innermost thoughts.

Then there was one other little fact that pissed him off to no end but helped in his decision to pick the Survey Corps, he hated it but had been silently grateful since because he survived thanks to 'him'. Every since that large fist slammed into the two Titan's faces that eyed him with hunger back at the supply headquarters; he had been grateful. He never expected a Titan to attack another; but it happened when all hope seemed lost, an intimidating abnormal Titan had punched away two other Titans and sent them flying before making a mighty roar. Before he even knew that it was Eren's doing; he had never been more relived to see those faces being warped by a fist of their own size, that was something that he wished he could have done personally. He had been even more relived as the strange giant fought and killed every single Titan around the supply base, he was then surprised that it turned out to be Eren's work. He had actually been kind of jealous of the guy, to so easily kill Titans by a single fist. He owed Yeager one for saving his and his fellow comrades hides.

Now someone like Armin would be more suited for leadership; he's not quite bold but he's everything a strategist could be.

But Jean Kirschstein? He was no leader, just a pathetic excuse for a soldier. He barely even considered himself that.

"Bullshit. Why would you even say something like that?" The taller man spoke bitterly and quietly, discontent and frustration was very present and weighed heavily in his tone. It didn't help that the words had brought up the image of his dead friend, he told Marco to never say that again because he simply didn't deserve a title or even the notion of even possibly holding a title like that. "You know as well as I do that I would never have the worth or have the potential to be someone in charge. All I ever did was step on people to live, shove them aside just so that I could escape." Jean growled to himself, his hands balled up and nails dug deep into his palms. "Why would you even say something so stupid?! I am nothing but a coward, a damn dirty coward!"

Eren's frown deepened, a more firm stare fixed on the man he was looking at, seriousness shown greatly in his expression. "Well that's where you're wrong Jean," He sounded almost cold and angry, this made Jean loosen his stiff posture; he remained still however, a bit surprised. Eren's tone of voice grew with each word. "That was the old you, that coward is long gone. The new Jean is nothing like the old one, he has experience and knowledge of fighting Titans. He may be what he calls a coward but he's far from it in comparison to those in the Military Police and all of those who hide behind the walls and willingly live the life of livestock!"

Jean gawked and blinked, quiet surprised from Eren's words.

"Unlike them, he still gets up everyday and puts on his gear and goes out there to face monsters!" Eren barked aloud. "He's still alive and fighting, still surviving. He is not as weak as he used to be no; he had seen the worst, stared death in the face, threw his life on the line to save others by guiding them in the midst of despair. From what I've heard from Armin and Connie; he kept his cool in the Titan assault on Trost and made the right decisions to save some lives, he took a heavy burden onto himself to lead some soldiers to safety and made sure that some survived though he doubted himself and feared for himself. He had been weak and he knew what it felt like to weak like everybody else out there, he felt the same fear but kept a leveled head and assessed the situation and found a way out when no one else could. He pulled the courage out of others to keep moving and they survived because of him.

But he left his weakness behind when he joined the Survey Corps. He changed, became stronger. He left the safety of the inner walls and put his trust and faith in me, he gained my respect and became who you are now." He said more calmly looking away. "We saw things differently back then… but we put our differences behind us for the most part. I understand now why he wanted to hide, why the old Kirschstein wanted the easy life. Sure, he would have been fed well and living in comfort and safety but he would have done nothing for humanity by living in the high life in those walls. So many would suffer and die while he hides in the king's barracks, that would have made him a traitor and an enemy to his own kind. At least… that is how I see it now, but he didn't join the MP like I thought he would. He showed me that he was willing to fight for a just cause despite his own practical outlook and desire to be safe and live on, he became who you are today after facing the steep odds on a day to day basis. I don't know exactly why you joined the Survey Corps; but it's damn good thing that you did. I just know that some of the people that I know here today might not be alive right now if you didn't make that decision to."

Jean gaped a few long seconds before he let his mouth fall to a deep frown and he tilted his head downward to hide his eyes. "I- I honestly never expected words like that to come from you- of all people." He started quietly. "Thanks for the gratification and all; but all of that doesn't make me a good leader, it just makes me a stronger man …if anything."

Eren reached forward and placed his hand on Jean's shoulder and held tightly, he had fire in his eyes. "You were the one that motivated me to continue fighting for humanity's victory, remember? And just like you asked of me; I now weigh the lives of my comrades against my own life. That was a word from the wise. A leader motivates his comrades."

Jean finally looked back up, his eyes still held such uncertainty but also surprise.

"Not only that- but a good leader cares for his comrades too, they do whatever they possibly can to protect and save them. Even if they have to make tough calls; they will do what it takes for the benefit of the mission, the group, and all they wish to protect. A great leader follows their intuition and remains calm when situations get bad or even disastrous, they take charge and lead those who are confused and frightened. … A leader has to be strong when others cannot. I have seen these traits before Jean, in an ordinary soldier who has so much potential but doubts himself."

"Ridiculous." The taller man brushed the hand off his shoulder and swayed his head back in forth. "You can't possibly be talking about me, I can't be as strong as you."

Eren growled loudly. "Okay I get it! Not everybody can be as strong as me! Errrr… I am sick and tired of hearing that from everybody! Not everyone can turn into a Titan, I don't need a reminder I-!"

"I wasn't talking about that!" Kirschstein abruptly shouted and glared at his rival. "If you haven't yet noticed; not everybody can just embrace danger! Even before you could turn into a Titan you were still headstrong and insane enough to attack Titans on your own, and you were just a graduated trainee. Connie told me about the time you tried to take on the Colossal all by yourself. That was the most absurd story that I have ever heard; Eren Yeager flying over the wall and attempting to bring down the towering sixty meter Titan. I didn't believe it at first, no. I am too pragmatic for that. Again, I thought you were only a tough acting punk so I didn't even consider the idea. You were crazy… but not quite that crazy. … Or so I thought." He added in. "It was a joke at the time, that was how I saw it. Although Connie seemed sincere and surprised, but then again; he's not exactly the brightest. It took your little rampage against the other Titans and coming out of the nape of the neck of one for me to finally grasp the truth, I wasn't dreaming. It was hard enough to believe that you were practically a Titan, taking on the Colossal then seemed more realistic after seeing what you did. Even more so when Armin told me that you tried to kill the abnormal that got Thomas and ended up getting your leg bitten off and then getting eaten in his place when trying to charge head-on to exact revenge.

Well you got it in spite of death at your door. Then you threw your life away for Armin's, I don't think that I would ever be able to do that!" Jean took a deep breath and relaxed his posture.

"When we say that we aren't as strong as you; then we are referring to our cowardly selves who can't just simply go and throw their life on the line to face something so much bigger and deadlier than us. We simply don't have the guts, that maniac thirst for vengeance. Killing Titans was all you talked about when were in training, I first thought it was all a tough act but when we heard that Titans got into Trost… you confronted me with some choice words and remained strong when many others were falling apart at the seams; too afraid to gather the strength to go out there and do what we trained years for. Your suicidal bravery is something that not everybody has you know. So don't go calling me a leader because I am not one, I'm not strong enough."

"I see." Eren started quietly. "But you still don't get it. Sure, you might not be as brave or as physically strong as me in Titan form; but that's not the strength that I saw in you to begin with. The leader's strength isn't always about being the best, or being first out the door and winning battles. I've learned this from Levi, Erwin, and even you. The strength I see in you is the kind that put you here."

Golden brown eyes blinked a few times and Jean gazed with more surprise before he countered. "That's not strength that's just-"

"No! It is! Not everybody can leave the temptation of safe living, so many turned away and left because they were too afraid to die. Everyone that made the choice to join the Survey Corps had their own strength they made that day, you- you just built upon your own that you had back in Trost; you then added more and more and really helped out in distracting Annie when she tried to get me, things could have turned out worse if you didn't delay her. That was your idea. Trust me, you have qualities that others don't, you may share similar strengths with others but not everyone has your overly cautious but leveled state of mind. It's what's in that head that's kept you alive most of the time I bet. So quit trying to say that you wouldn't be a great leader when you have more qualities than everybody who's still alive in our group. You can continue to deny your abilities but like Hanji told me during one of her tests; If you have abilities than you embrace them, use them and master them. It can possibly save your life, and maybe others lives as well."

Jean blinked and though he still had his doubts; he felt just a little better and slightly encouraged astonishingly. "Eren, thank you." He said ever so quietly; not wanting to seem so thankful for such encouraging words that he didn't really deserve, and for the simple fact that it was Yeager that he was thanking.

Eren looked as though he wanted to say something but chose not to speak and remained silent on the matter, it was awkward having the brunette talking to him as if he was actually his friend; it was almost kind of funny. The rather nice moment was ruined from cries sounding off in the distance, they were coming from Armin and growing louder as he neared them.

"Eren! EREN!" Armin screamed aloud as he flew across the plains and landed roughly; he stumbled forward and winced when he painfully stabled himself on his sprang ankle. The blonde only pointed to the side as he kneeled down to rub his strained muscles.

"Armin, what is it?!" Eren quickly asked, his expression turned to one shock when his eyes landed on a long trail of a dark smoke rising above a huge forest a few miles away.

"Black smoke!" Arlert shouted. "It's-"

"It's westward… Mikasa's group! Shit." John cursed. _'If she's in trouble then we're all in for some real trouble.'_

"Get the horses and lets go!" Eren quickly sprinted over to his mount with Armin slightly lagging behind.

Jean used his cables and shot for his steed utilizing the air too propel himself forward; he made it to his before Eren and Armin could, he hopped up and held the horse reins tightly. "Saddle up, we might no have much time but we're going to try!" _'God please let Levi reach them first.'_

_..._

**A/N: I hope you are enjoying this, this was really fun to write and by far my favorite chapter. I completely apologize for hopping back and forth between present time and the past hours, I just found the idea kind of dramatically alluring with what happened and what's going on with Jean. Reviews and comments are appreciated.**


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